Wednesday, February 16, 2011

My Space

Mr. Giraffe and I are currently in the middle of a fight. Just thought I'd let you all know.

What is the fight about, you ask? Who knows. I'm pretty sure it was not a big deal and then got completely blown out of proportion and then, due to us being at least a little immature, we're now in deep freeze mode and being frosty to each other.

She's clearly thinking, "He forgot to order the centerpieces!"

Does this bother me? I mean, does it bother me that we fight? No, not at all. Everybody fights. I think anyone in a stable, long term relationship knows that relationships are, indeed, work and to make them strong and lasting, communication has to happen. Of course, there are those time where communication isn't quite clean and lines get crossed and then misunderstandings happen. Totally normal, I get it; no sweat of my back.

Not to mention that Mr. Giraffe and I both have strong personalities. You put someone as stubborn as Mr. G, next to someone who is as "my way or the high way" like me and we're bound to butt heads. It happens, no big deal.

Fights happen, arguments happen, and I'm sure there are plenty of relationships where maybe it doesn't seem worth the work to make it past the bumps in the road (or giant hills, if the case may be).

In my world, an argument with Mr. Giraffe is essentially meaningless. This doesn't mean I don't like to work things out and (of course, maybe more than anything else) make my opinion heard, but, honestly, arguing is a lot of work. It's tiring. In the grand scheme of things, never once has a disagreement with my main squeeze changed my view of our future together. Even when I'm rolling my eyes at the kid and getting annoyed, I still want to get married, have a million babies, and grow old and wrinkly together.

So why am I telling you guys this now? Well, here's the thing: Mr. Giraffe and I deal with arguments and the anger that comes with them differently. I get angry, pout (usually a lot), and then subsequently get over it.

Mr. Giraffe, on the other hand, needs space. Whenever he gets angry, directly afterwards, he wants to be left alone. He wants his space, he doesn't want to be talked to, and he doesn't want to be bothered.

I get it. Of course, 5 years ago, I didn't get it and him walking away from me after an argument made me more upset and just made a whole mess of everything. Now, he tells me he needs space, and I give it to him. Then we move on and have happily ever after.

This is where I'm thinking trouble might happen. My freshman and sophomore years of college, Mr. G and I lived on floor 11 and 12 of the same dorm. In the same way a new relationship infatuates you with one another, we spent probably every waking minute not in class together. We still had our separate spaces, our separate dorm rooms, though. Junior year, I was in an apartment and he was in a dorm. My senior year we lived in a four bedroom apartment with two other room mates. We spent nearly all our time with each other (and sharing a place is seriously awesome), but we still had our own rooms.

Now, I live with the Giraffe parents to save money, and Mr. G lives in a 2 bedroom apartment with one of his brothers. Once again, we each have our own space.

In three months from now, we're not going to have our own space. We're going to live together. We're also going to have to share a bedroom (which, secretly, I kind of want my own). We're going to have the same bathroom, same kitchen, same everything.
. . .
More importantly, where will I put all my stuff?
How do people do this?

Like I said, we argue sometimes, which is fine, but how to people work thorough their issues if they can't even get away from one another?

More importantly, why does everyone assume once I get married, I'm going to spend all this time with Mr. G? I mean, I love the guy of course, but I do have my own life.

So married/co-habiting bees, please let me know all your secrets. How do you manage without your own space?